Now that was the worst night I have ever spent in a tent. I have spent a lot of nights tenting in my life in various environments but last night it was so hot and calm that it was like being in a sauna. Maybe an Alpine tent was the wrong choice for the Aussie conditions. I lay in the tent starkers and not moving but was sweating profusely, I was scared I might drown in the pool of sweat that was forming. All of the vents were open but this was not enough. About 2am I got up and took the tent fly off, to try to cool things down. Macpac would have you believe that this is an easy thing to do but in the middle of the night with a torch with failing batteries and a national park full of mosquitoes that have sensed an opportunity, and launched world war 3 on my naked body, I can assure you it is not. Eventually succeeded in getting the fly off and sure enough it was a fraction cooler. I could hear Dad Snoring so at least he was getting some sleep and I could hear one of the other men snoring and another tossing and turning like me, so 50% of the team at least were getting some sleep. The sweat continued to poor off me, but I was less concerned about drowning.
Eventually woke up at about 6 am with activity in the camp underway. Sounds like everyone else was equally uncomfortable so it is not just me. Pretty sleepy so I thought time to crank up the coffee machine. For the first time of the trip I got out my MSR cooker and pressurised it and lit the fire to preheat it, the fire jumped out onto the grass and started burning all around it. Ken who had asked how the cooker was going beat a rapid retreat, while I madly stomped around putting out the fire, saying “Oh no, this is quite routine Ken, yes it’s a great wee cooker, it’s the first time I’ve used it for ages”, got the fire under control and thought that was close, then Pooof another ring of fire, coming back to the bottle and all around the cooker, S%$t! Started madly stomping again and the fire was just getting worse, the valve mechanism was leaking flat out and squirting petrol onto the grass all around the cooker.
This was starting to remind me of Mick, an old cooker that I have not been brave enough to light for about 10 years now (throw it out? Diana! what an inconceivable suggestion, he is like one of the family!) Mick was named Mick after a Rodney Rude song called “Mick the Master Farter”, because he is so loud and offensive when in full flight, and well really sounds like he is farting! Mick once cleared a Chalet in Chamonix Mont Blanc because everyone thought he was going to explode. I laughed although also wondered if he might explode, so stood back a bit. My Grandfather, or was it brother David once threw a cooker similar to Mick into lake Rotoiti because it was out of control and threatening to blow up.
Anyway back to the current cooker induced crisis, I turned the valve off and continued madly stomping, and blowing at the flames to try and put them out It was starting to look like a not so controlled burn was about to happen the Kakadu! Cripes have I got public liability insurance? Stomp ,Stomp, Stomp. I’m really going to be in the Kakadu if I can’t get this under control! Stomp Stomp Stomp, Dad and Dick joined in the Stomping, we must have looked like a bunch of American Indians dancing around the fire, Stomp, stomp, stomp,….Stomp, Stomp, Stomp,….Stomp, stomp, stomp,….eventually to my relief the fire subsided and we all relaxed. Phew that was close. OK the MSR is a bit older than Hattie who was still looking pretty spritely but admittedly was about 150 in hat years, when I callously lost him. (Hopefully Hatty is riding high on someones elated head as I type this). Perhaps MSR needs to retire to the shelf of highly loved but potentially explosive devises in my shed, or maybe he just needs a service. Anyway back to my failed attempt to make coffee, I decided to let it go, Coffee is good, but its not that good, and emptied the coffee machine and despite feeling like I needed a wee lye down, packed up my kit.
Eventually bit fare well to Dick and Ken for the third time, as they headed off and in true Smith tradition we headed off about 10 minutes later. It was a quick fuel up then a run down to Darwin where my bike was booked in for a new set of tyres. Once again this was just down the road in Northern territory terms, about 200km. I think we are now truly desensitised to the distances, as this genuinely felt like a quick trip down to the garage, but back home this would be like going from Nelson to Springs junction, or Ward to visit the mechanic, inconceivable. By the time we got there it was about 11am as once again Karen, the GPS lady let us down and took us to some paddock about 30km away from the actual address. Garmin needs to get their act together with the Australian map that they charged me about $150 for, because this is the precise job that it is meant to do. Anyway I phoned in and got directions and used a bit of the old fashioned navigation technique of sailing along and keeping our eyes open until we found the right spot. The massive Yamaha sign was a bit of a give away.
I was very relieved to get into the air conditioned environment as the humidity was about 250% and the temperature was just tipping 78 Degrees Celcius, (I haven’t seen the news yet to confirm these figures, but I’m usually pretty good at guessing these things, so there it is). I was set up for about a two hour wait while the tyres were changed, so Dad took off into town to try and get his Bank Card sorted. This was a pretty good place to spend a couple of hours waiting as it was a big dealership for Yamaha, Suzuki, Ducati, Triumph and Harley Davidson, with heaps of accessories, paraphernalia and parts, so lots of eye candy for a young biker like me. It was air-conditioned which was good as conditions outside were starting to rival those on Mars. I wandered to the servo next door for a late breakfast and being a bit distressed that my Cholesterol might have dipped into single figures I ordered a cooked breakfast (have I gone mad? (“Self realisation is coming slowly to this one Obe”,” Oh? Master you say “Try? Do or Do not there is no Try” he is clearing intending to put his cholesterol into orbit”)). Headed back for more dribbling on shiny bikes, and waiting at spaceship NT Motorcycles. Dad turned up looking pretty parched and frustrated as his card had not arrived, so we need to stay in Darwin tonight to pick this up in the morning.
My tyres were eventually done, paid the bill and headed down to the BMW dealership to see what parts they have as we have gotten a bit nervous about heading into the next stage without more tyre self rescue equipment. Who should we meet at the BMW shop but Dick and Ken. Are these guys following us? We all headed of after more of me dribbling on Shiney bikes in the showroom, to find a place to stay. Rode around town for a bit looking at the CBD and Esplanade. Called into numerous hotels to check availability, but the place is booked out. Dick and Ken decided to take a room at the Casino, and Dad and I decided to head back out of town. We said our fourth final farewell and headed off.
Cut in at Fannies Beach, looking for a place to stay and found a very cheap motel with a vacancy. The only condition I stated to the owners was it needs to have air conditioning, they said it even has running water and beds, Ahh heaven.
Called Di, as it is our anniversary, had a good catch up. I can’t believe how long ago we got married, but maybe the fact that I avoid mirrors helps with this.
Dad was a bit spent with all of the heat, and enjoying the air-conditioning so was not keen to come out, but I wandered down to the local Darwin Yacht club for a feed and a beer. Amazing location right on the beach with the sun setting. A couple of hundred people enjoying the now pleasant evening. An absolute paradox, the water looks so refreshing and inviting but the sign says do not go near the waters edge or into the water as there are Crocodiles. This must be a very frustrating aspect of living here. I had a salad with olive oil dressing, which probably saved my life given the cholesterol diet in recent times.
Good night.
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